It’s a mature sailor who can talk to himself

October 2004

By Tom Snyder

This is a short essay that will make you feel better about yourself. It’s an invitation to be honest with one another about something that is healthy and natural. I am talking, of course, about the act of talking to one’s self while sailing alone. Let’s set aside old myths like: “Your mouth may freeze in the open position!” or, “You and a loved one will go blind!” Knowledge is power, so let’s get to know the facts.

Does everybody do it? Fact: Of course they do. The problem is our restrictive western culture that tells us it’s not all right to admit our little quirks. For example, (and on a slightly different subject) how many of us share with others that we prefer to sail naked? Nobody shares this. Or who among us doesn’t sail with a lucky, highly polished nickel hidden in our boat shoe? Must we pretend we are alone in this? Why can’t we all admit that we never look in the bilge after 4 p.m.? My point is that we are suffering unnecessarily, and the antidote is information. It is empowering to realize, with a collective sigh of relief, that we all talk while sailing alone.

Is it healthy? Fact: Yes.

Is there only one way to talk alone? Fact: No. There is a progression of phases that boaters must go through. Much as Freud taught us that every child will go through a therapy phase before he/she can advance to a medication phase, adult boaters are also on a journey.

What are the phases? Fact: Actually, we now refer to them as “levels,” not “phases.” Let me walk you through the levels (or phases, if you will). I will illustrate each phase with my own personal experiences at that level.

Level 1: Pseudo-self-talking – Singing

Singing to one’s self can masquerade as self-talking. It is not the real thing. In my case, I happen to be a very gifted singer with a lovely voice. I remember my frequently critical aunt asking if there were a name for my style of singing, “sort of a fakey sound that includes whining.” My point is that I will sing at the drop of a hat – not just on a boat – anywhere.

In others the clue that singing is not self-talking is the repetitious inaccuracies that are typical. A man who repeats thousands of times just the opening phrase, “Shower the people you think you love! Show them the day that you heal!” is not talking at all. This particular habit is NOT healthy, and hopefully it will evolve quickly to level 2.

Phase 2: Self-conscious self-talk

This is an immature level of genuine self-talk. It is often adorable. Described in a soon-to-be-released-if-I can-find-a-publisher medical text as self-conscious public accounting of mistakes made, it once manifested itself in me as follows. (This was a younger, more adorable me.) Climbing aboard my boat, noticing I had left a bag in the dingy, I explained out loud to no one that I was going to climb back down into the dingy. This was actually a defensive move in the event someone was watching from shore half a mile away. It is human nature to cover one’s tracks, to say aloud, “I’m just going to hop back in the dinghy for a variety of reasons. I’m OK. This is how I do it.” Self-conscious chatter helps set the stage for level 3.

Phase 3: Genuinely sociable banter

One day as you climb aboard from your dinghy, instead of saying aloud and towards shore, “I meant to drop the new winch handle over the side. That’s how I do it!” you now find yourself saying the more chatty, “Let’s go sailing!” Next you’ll hear yourself say, “I’m just gonna store these hatch boards below…” and then, “Whew, we could use some fresh air down here!” The use of the word “we” signals that your self-talking is now more mature. There is going to be a lot of chitchat on that solo sail. I fondly remember my first day of level 3 social banter. Good times. A couple of years of this and you may find yourself graduating to phase 4.

Level 4: Strong latent self-leadership

The challenge with accurately identifying this level is considerable. The problem lies in the fact that genuine latent self-leadership can sound so much like an insane person talking. Fortunately, there are subtle differences. For example, an insane person might say, “Now I want you to go below to make a sandwich which would taste great right about now… OK, good idea, because I am hungry… You should be – it’s well after noon and you had very little breakfast, which is also an important meal. Why don’t you just go right now.” Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But change it just a bit here and there and you have a self-talker taking charge of his boat. Do you see the difference? It’s worth thinking about because, as I said earlier, knowledge is power, or, more specifically, I believe I said, information is empowering. Has it occurred to anyone that what I am doing right now is talking to myself?

Tom Snyder sails out of Peaks Island, Maine.