Those guys just think it was their idea

May 2003

By Tom Snyder

This is not a legal document with which I am trying to sue Points East Magazine or anything. All I am saying is that, for the record, I definitely thought of the whole flotilla thing before this magazine did. I remember saying to a friend in 1996, “You know what would be cool would be a whole lot of boats cruising together to some place.” I believe it was on that same evening that I used the word “flotilla.”

But again, this is not a legal notice. All I’m asking for is bragging rights. I mean it almost drives me crazy when I see Fundy Flotilla this, Fundy Flotilla that – as though I didn’t sponsor the South Portland Flotilla long before these guys (and I think we all know who I’m talking about) came up with their own highly derivative flotillas.

Let’s go back in time to June of 1997, the proto-flotilla, the South Portland Flotilla.

The first mailing went out the previous September. Here is an excerpt:

“Join us next June on a flotilla. We will sail from Portland proper to South Portland and back again. Details to follow. Sorry, but we must set a limit of 250 boats. Registration fee is $250.”

A month later a second mailing went out decreasing the registration fee to $150 and increasing the boat limit to 350.

In December another mailing went out reducing the fee to $19, and I removed any limit to the number of vessels. The registration(s) started to pour in. At first they (it) came in the form of question(s). Pointed question(s) about my thinking.

This was when I invented another aspect of the flotilla – free things – namely, seminars and bilge cleaner. (Guess who is now using this technique!) In a fourth mailing, I advertised my series of free seminars covering anxiety-provoking aspects of the flotilla.

For March, I scheduled a free seminar on “Harbor Crossings” with an expert who has crossed one heck of a lot of harbors. And I’ve done it at various times of the day. Students were asked to bring pencil, paper and plenty of questions.

For April, I offered a free seminar for people who wanted to come in and just “rap.” Sailors have a lot on their minds. Leading this “feel good” session would be a facilitator who knows what it feels like to feel paralyzed with self-doubt and recrimination. Someone who wakes up every day and faces a world of naysayers. Someone who is sick and tired of having to prove to a laughing world that yes, maybe he does know something about… Anyway, students were told to be prepared to share their most humiliating experiences on the water.

For May, I offered a final seminar on how to recharge a freon refrigeration system. This was to be led by Nigel Calder or someone incredibly similar to him.

As it turns out, the seminars were never held because of administrative issues having to do with the total number of registrants. But, this was a milestone, nonetheless, in the flotilla/free seminar tradition.

As mentioned earlier, I also promised free bilge cleaner. I know I said at the top of this article that I would not descend into legal nitpicking, but I know for a fact that this year’s Fundy Flotilla plans on giving out free bilge cleaner. I wonder if there will be attribution. I don’t think so.

My final mailing filled in the promised details for the flotilla itinerary:

June 10: Kick-off meeting at the Dry Dock Restaurant in Portland. We would start with a go-round where everyone would tell a disturbing anecdote about his or her spouse. Then I would pour out everyone’s portion of the bilge cleaner. Finally we would watch CNN on the overhead monitors.

June 11: Leave Portland.

June 11: Arrive South Portland

June 11: Arrive Portland

June 11: Post mortem at the Dry Dock Restaurant.

What is NOT important is whether this Flotilla eventually took place. What is NOT important is whether a single boat registered for the trip. What is important is that on my putative flotilla there was no limit to the number of vessels allowed, and there was no loss of life. Thank you.

Tom Snyder sails out of Peaks Island, Maine.